A couple weekends ago I was in Santa Barbara for a wedding. It was truly a blessing to be able to celebrate the union of one of my dear friends. She truly deserves all the happiness wedded bliss has to offer and I was so excited to be a part of her big day and to work alongside my favorite team again. I love those ladies and I could not think of a better way to spend a vacation. All that being said, it was definitely a time of reflection. It had been 11 mos since I had been back in Santa Barbara. 11mos away from friends that are still there, from my old team and the beauty of it all. I, of course have been back to California and several of my friends from SB have been out to New York and I have seen them. However, this trip I was in SB and I felt a little torn. I was working, but I also had down time. Time to fit in coffee dates and late night drinks, but also an unpredictable schedule. Well, as it goes as soon as I announced on social media I was in town I got loads of texts and responses asking when/if I could see these dear people that were still in town. Of course I became really excited and felt very loved. That feeling quickly faded as people flaked out, or decided not to respond all together. But instead of dwelling on those people, I decided to dwell on the people that were making the time, the ones that wanted to hang out, no matter the time, their words, "whenever you can see us, we want to see you." Those two people and those words gave me such freedom and made me feel so loved. But a little part of me was still hurt by the others who clearly didn't care that much.
As I've stated before, these past few months have been a time for lots of lessons and learning. This whole time in New York has been a time of molding and shaping who I am going to be in my 20s. And so I thought a lot about these friendships. These people that were once such a big part of my life, now fading into the past chapters. I have a hard time letting go of things. I have a hard time living in the present because I hang on to tightly to those in my past and try desperately to plan everything in my future. So this was another lesson for me and one I'm slowly coming to terms with. In fact, it was a double lesson, one about friends and guys all at the same time. I learned it as I was on the plane ride back, but wasn't fully ready to accept it.
Then, a couple days ago I had a skype date with one of my best girl friends. She asked about the wedding weekend and how it was and I unintentionally explained the lesson I had learned while I was there. That I was learning which friendships were going to continue on and which ones I was no longer concerned with keeping. As well, I told her I had a direct comparison of the type of guy I wanted in my life vs. the type of guys that were in my life.
Her response;
"Well its about time you started trimming friends. You have too many."
I laughed and was taken aback when she said that. I had never thought of having "too many" friends. She said it like it was a bad thing, it wasn't how she intended. I responded with, "I guess you're right."
And she said, "Of course I'm right. It's too hard to try to keep all the friends you have, and when you put all this work into maintaining friendships with people that aren't reciprocating or for that matter aren't in the same city as you, you have no room to make new friends, let alone maintain friendships in your new city. So, it's best to let go. Maintain the friendships you really care about and the ones that really care about you. And let the rest go. If they want to be a part of your life, they will be. But if they don't, then it's best not to waste your time."
It was exactly what I needed to hear. And exactly who I needed to hear it from. Her and I live countries apart from one another and still manage to talk to one another. We maintain a friendship and I am so thankful for it. We joke about how we'll be each other's back up plan should we never find that "special someone." This is a lesson I seem to need to be reminded of, repeatedly and always the hard way. But it was good to hear it again. And I think I am truly learning to let go of friendships/relationships etc that are bad for me, or just aren't reciprocated in some way and learning to move forward.
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