Book - ache

Do you ever get soo emotionally invested in a book you would rather read than be at a party? That you feel like the plot line is actually happening to you? Your gut clenches, you actually cry, you're head hurts and you're just as confused as the characters?  Yeah, me neither.  (That's a lie.)

I just read this book, Stealing Harper, it was on someone's pinterest and I read the synopsis and it was right up my alley, bad boy, good girl, love triangle, tattoos, etc... everything I love in a book.  What I didn't expect is my stomach to be in knots, tears to be flowing down my face and losing sleep over everything, but that's exactly what happened.  Apparently this is a follow up book to the first one, called "Taking Chances."  I had no idea and I probably should've read that first, but I didn't.  So instead, I found myself scouring blogs to find out if there was a sequel to Stealing Harper, if I would ever know what happened.  If they cliff hanger I was left on would ever be resolved.  Well, I finally found out that that was the sequel, that I had read them out of order.  So I downloaded the first one (yes, downloaded, sorry all you true blue paperback lovers) and I skipped through to the part where my book ended, you see, they were told from 2 different points of view.  The one I had read was from the point of view of the Bad Boy, which I loved, and probably why it was soo tormented.  But the first one was from the point of view of the good girl.  And so, it continues past the cliff hanger.

***SPOILER ALERT****

The cliff hanger; you don't know if Chase, the 'bad boy' lives or dies, and  you want him to live because he never seems to catch a break and everything is messed up and you want him to have his chance at a happy ending, even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it, he does.  So, I went back and read Taking Chances, at least the part that would coincide with the crash, and finding out if Chase dies or not.  And he DOES!  He freakin' DIES!!!.  I can't believe it.  I wanted to throw up.  I fell in love with this character and his story soo hard that it physically affected me.  Forget my emotions, those are shot to hell.  I'm heartbroken over fictional characters that don't exist, how sad is that.  But I was invested and I'm soo disappointed.  I'm so mad that Brandon gets the girl after all that.  I'm so mad that Chase dies, I'm reeling.

It's too close to real life, and I think that's probably why it's such a good book.  But also soo terribly heart breaking.  The ending makes me soo soo sad and I think it's because that's what happens in real life, you don't always get that redeeming ending.  You don't always get to explain yourself and you don't know when life will be over, sometimes it happens in a split second and you don't get a chance to take back all your mistakes or unresolved issues and you have to live with that.  And I think it's that combination that makes this book amazing and terribly sad all that same time.

The kindest words ever said to me.

Sometimes I fear I'm not perceived the way I want to be perceived.  I worry what people think. (come on, I'm only human)  And I take what people say to heart far more often than I should.  So when  a co-worker told me I reminded her of Betty Boop it bothered me, it made me think of a character whose petite and girlie (god forbid).  And it rubbed me the wrong way. And then we were discussing cars and I was asked what my first car was and both girls said, "I could see you in a bug."  I was repulsed at the idea, something so dainty and girlie... so not how I see myself.    

So, a couple weeks later I was talking with that same co-worker, still slightly annoyed at her observations, and so I brought it up and she said something that I thought perfectly described me,
"No, you misunderstood.  You're really versatile. You're the type of girl I could see driving a bug, but just as easily driving a jacked up Hummer."
I loved that description.
She went onto say, "And when I said you reminded me of Betty Boop, remember that she's curvy and petite and wears red lipstick and she's girlie, but she also rocks a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle." She smiled.

So, even though I worried unnecessarily (always).  Her clarification of how she saw me really hit home. It made me feel like she really got me, that I wasn't being perceived in a way that bothered me, that my co-workers actually 'got me.'  And it was the best feeling.

Old ladies with jewels

The subway was packed.  I was sitting in a seat by the door.  This man, tatted from head to toe, wearing bagging jeans, and bumping rap in his head phones was propped up against the metal bar that passed for my 'armrest' hanging on to the pole above my head leaning against the door.  The next stop filled the train and he stood up a little straighter, still holding the pole.  This older woman, mid-sixties got on with her husband.  She looked like she was born with her nose in the air. She had jewels around her neck and gaudy rings on her fingers.  And I noticed the rings when she went to grab the pole and ended up grabbing the younger man's hand.  He was bewildered to say the least.  But she didn't move her hand, even when he tried to yank his back.  I tried to stifle my laughter, but wasn't successful.  He looked down at me, and we exchanged a look of solidarity, basically "this woman is crazy."  The woman had heard me practically snort and she looked at me too, but she didn't get it.  Finally the man wrestled his hand away.  And moved it to another part of the pole a safe distance away from hers. The next stop came and the woman got off with her husband and the man and I shared another look basically "phew."  I laughed again.  My stop was next, and as I stepped off I tapped his bicep and he took off his head phones, and I said "I think she just desperately wanted to hold your hand."  He laughed, "Yeah, I guess."  And I responded, "I mean, come on, did you see her husband?"  We both laughed and I stepped off the train and said, "have a good night."

Subway adventures, always a story.